Dreaming Big

I had a conversation with a girlfriend the other day over an email exchange.  In looking back at it there are parts I wanted to share with all of you. I feel like this is for someone out there and I want you to know there is an answer.  

So here are a few excerpts from that email:

I know how difficult this place in life is. It’s hard managing things with our kids in a divorce situation - the coming and going that takes place - not having them around when we want them - them being independent and not always needing us - us feeling like visitors in their lives at times instead of their mothers. It’s hard being alone every night and not having someone who has our back during the day. It’s hard knowing others perceptions of who they think we are. It’s even harder admitting how we feel about ourselves. It is hard to admit to ourselves that we secretly wish we wouldn’t wake up after going to sleep because it would just be easier. It is hard to feel like you are so far down in a dark pit there is no possibility of seeing light at the top and crawling our way out of it. Trust me because I’ve struggled with all of this and fight it every day in my own situation.  But no matter how painful and difficult and challenging it is finding a fix in another person (insert what your medication is) will never be a fix.

Here are some truths at some point we all have to face and accept:
- you need to forgive and extend the same grace God extends to you. Forgiving another does not let them off the hook for their deeds but it does release you from being the victim. It is for your healing and it is the right thing to do period.
- you need to love yourself first. 
- you need to quit listening to the lies that have formed in your head your entire life. Guilt, shame, unworthiness, unlovable, someone who can be used, someone without value… did I strike a nerve yet…..these are just some of mine
- you need to know that God loves you more than anything and until that relationship is right - meaning an intimate love with him - nothing else will ever satisfy you or make you feel complete.
- you need to know that you are so loved, so cherished that He chose YOU before He even formed the world. He is so jealous and passionate in His love that it consumes Him and will consume you. That there is nothing that can separate you from His love nothing you’ve done in your past or will do in your future will change that.
- you need to know that no matter what mistakes you have made or no matter what someone has done to you it does not equal your identity. It is NOT who you are or all you can be. 
- you may be having a tough time in your life because you are being prepared to do more … examine your heart, what are you being asked to do in this life…what is your purpose? If I get involved with _______ again, will it keep me from my purpose? from my art? from healing? from healing others? 
- you need to realize that you are so beautiful, so unique, that you are lovely just how you are — that you are loved. that you can be all that you want to be. that you were chosen. that you have always been held through the fires and trials and pains and abuses in your life … He has been there holding you and absorbing the pain right along with you when others you have loved betrayed you. He has felt every pain with you. He has never left you.
- you need to know that there is no performance, no work, no rules, no anything that will make God love you or not love you. He just wants you to love Him back and be one with him.

You can fill in your own blank with your personal struggle. The blank is usually how we are medicating (relationships, alcohol, drugs, work…).  The struggle is always the lie we are believing (unworthiness, shame, guilt, unloved, brokenness…). You see those feelings that the lies created are not WHO we are or WHO we have to be.  The lies keep us bound.  They keep us a prisoner.  The Truth is this…God loves us and covers us in grace.  He is constant despite our epic fails, our weakness, our turning away, our betrayals to Him.  You see - He chose YOU.  YOU!  Jacked-up, mistake making, crazy, boyfriend junkie, addict of everything, divorced, broken, penniless, dirty old YOU.  He so madly in-love He is relentless.  Why are you running?  Everything and I mean everything you have desired to fill you up completely you are running from.  Stop. Turn around. And, be embraced in the loving arms of Jesus.  See the radiant love pour from His eyes when He gazes upon you.  Feel the overwhelming love, protection and perfection roll off of him onto you.  

You will never be empty again.  Once you have had an encounter with God, You will never walk the same again.  

I have been a little busy the last couple of months and while that is no excuse for slacking on my blog I wanted to fill you in.  So much has been happening in my life this summer.  Uncomfortable things.  Inconvenient things. Things that should for all intents and purposes cause me to not want to get out of bed.  But, the great thing these days is that the challenges are bringing me one step closer to fulfilling my purpose.

One such purpose is to rock the boat.  I’ve always been good at that, ask anyone who has ever worked with me.  I like to challenge and be challenged.  And, on that note I submit to anyone reading this that I am challenging you.  I double dog dare you to quit the lies of your past and move into the life that you were designed to live. 

I not only challenge you to do this for yourself but with me to start a movement.  A revolution of the soul.  A mind shift.  A heart shift.  Let’s challenge each other to quit the lies.  All of us have things in our past that replay over and over in our heads, things we have come to believe about ourselves, things that simply are not true.  These things are not our identity.  We can overcome.  We can be new.  We can move forward.  We can become.

Want to know more?  Well, stay tuned here because I will start to write more.  Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, or at www.avidseed.org. 

I’m kicking off this movement on September 11th in Fort Myers, Florida.  Our sponsor, TAECC, will be hosting the event that starts at 3:00pm.  Read more here on the event.

Track the movement on Twitter with #quitthelies

I am supposed to be working on a website right now for my client.  It’s been so labor intensive and I don’t write code so there is a learning curve some days!  But, as I  sit here in my cushy office, that would be my local Starbucks, enjoying my Venti non-fat, no water Chai, I am overwhelmed with the need to speak to some of my fellow girls out there who are struggling with choosing life.  

I am going to be blunt because you need to hear it and quite frankly it is difficult to have women friends who are willing to challenge each other.  So whether you know me or not, consider me your close friend for a few moments, get a cup of coffee and let’s have a “come-to-Jesus” meeting.  You should be forewarned that I do not hold back with my girlfriends because I truly care for each and every one of them.  This will be our conversation that I’m having with YOU not a blog and will be written as such.

Girl, what are you doing?  Seriously.  It’s about time you get your stuff together.  Every time we talk it is the same old story.  You know I love you and I empathize with where you are right now. God knows I did the same song and dance for far too many years.  But let me tell you this, if you choose to stay here another day you have no one to blame but yourself.  You can either continue to drown or you can choose to get up and move forward.  It will not be easy.  You will face challenges at every turn and the more challenges initially will show you are heading on the right path. 

I hear you, I do.  I know it is hard.  I know you love him. I know he has promised this that and the other and it doesn’t make him bad or wrong.  This isn’t about him or the job or the other situation going on.  This is about YOU.  What are you doing about YOU.  Look, I tried to change people before and I can tell you it doesn’t work.  The only person you can change is YOU.  By working on you they can be inspired to change on their own.  

You were not designed to be this half-assed person you have become.  You were created for great things; for a purpose; for things you can’t even begin to imagine.  So why are you settling?  Why are you choosing to live this low-budget life of yours?  You aren’t defeated!  Not by a long shot.  I know, I know.  You are exhausted; have no more energy; your love tank is on fumes if not completely empty; you feel numb; you aren’t excited about anything; staying in bed all day would be a welcome day.  You know why I know?  Because I’ve been there…I wanted to die just like you because it would just be easier than being a blip on the radar or invisible to everyone including myself.  Girl, I know what reflection is in the mirror.  You look and stare.  Who is that?  I don’t recognize that girl anymore.  Where did my smile go?  Why do I look so ill?  Where is that glow that I used to have when I first fell in love?  Where is the look I had when my babies were born?  Who the hell am I?  OMG, I don’t know who I am anymore.  Maybe if I keep standing here I will recognize some glimpse of the old me.  Nope, she isn’t recognizable anymore.  

Sound familiar?  I say all of this out of love for you, hon.  I really do.  Because that was me.  I was dead.  I didn’t exist.  But, I had had enough!  I took my life back and you can too.  I realized that the Creator of the Universe loves me so very much; that He loved me and chose me before He even breathed life into the Universe; that He has never seen me as anything but beautiful, smart, funny, full of life and perfect.  PERFECT!  Yes, perfect.  I can’t do anything that will change that because all of my crappy mistakes and poor living was judged 2,000 years ago through His Son.  So today, as I believe, as I make a choice to love Him back - I am perfect.  I am full of life.  I am full of joy.  I have rest in Him.  I am no longer exhausted because I stopped trying to make it work. I stopped controlling my every moment and everyone else’s too.  I am glowing with an internal joy that almost hurts it is so full and vibrant.  I have even stopped dreaming big, which has always been my go-to statement, because dreaming big is settling.  I no longer want to settle - I want a full, abundant, amazingly huge life that I can’t even imagine!

So, it’s time to make a choice. Are you going to stay in your grave or are you going to rise up and choose a life fueled by love?  This love that is so free and freeing.  I should warn you too that this Love, this Grace, this Freedom is unexplainable so go ahead and move past the fact now that you won’t be able or rationalize it or put it in a box.  In fact, go ahead and throw out all of those ridiculous boxes!  You don’t need them because you aren’t settling for a low-budget life anymore!   Toss ‘em out!  You are meant for more than this!

I’m not suggesting you quit your job or leave your husband or walk out on every frustration you have, because all of our life choices have consequences.  However, there may be tough decisions you have to make starting now.  Take it one day at a time, one step of faith at a time.  Only worry about today. Start giving up control of your life - Let “Jesus Take the Wheel”.  Rest in Him and find peace in your spirit.  Be Still.  Stop Thinking.  Listen.  That inner nudge, that soft voice - that’s what you listen to.  If you aren’t sure, then ask what is the lie I’m believing here and listen for what the response it.  Call the lie out and reject it.  Disagree with the lie and do not let it hold you back any longer.  

Deep down inside of you, under those layers of old paint and wallpaper, under the layers of grime and dirt, under the broken windows and floorboards, under the patches on the walls exists a beautiful, funny, intelligent, caring, passionate woman - it’s time to put your house in order, girl.  Let the creator come in and do great work in you and you will be restored.  It’s that easy.  It is just that easy.   

• Question: Hi Jen, Great article. In your last paragraph you stated you no longer struggle with Fibromyalgia or MPS why is that? Is the pain gone or did you find the secrets to overcoming the struggles?? I Was diagnosed with it about 20 years ago and as i have gotten older it seems to get worse. The intense pain is there daily even though i refuse to let it define me and i trust in God to help me stay Positive about life by staying close to Him Knowing that Jesus is walking with me and sometimes carrying me when i need Him the most - jrbrooksonline
• Answer:

  If anyone is still uncertain If miracles occur today I am proof. A month ago, I was healed. There is no logical reason only a supernatural one.

Today is National Fibromyalgia Day.  Why should you care?  Here are a few statistics from The National Fibromyalgia Association:

 Fibromyalgia is one of the most common chronic pain conditions. The disorder affects an estimated 10 million people in the U.S. and an estimated 3-6% of the world population. While it is most prevalent in women —75-90 percent of the people who have FM are women —it also occurs in men and children of all ethnic groups. The disorder is often seen in families, among siblings or mothers and their children. The diagnosis is usually made between the ages of 20 to 50 years, but the incidence rises with age so that by age 80, approximately 8% of adults meet the American College of Rheumatology classification of fibromyalgia.

 More than likely you know several people who battle with Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome every day.  They look just like you.  They work beside you.  They cart their children to the same soccer practices you do.  The difference is they are in a constant state of physical pain with a myriad of debilitating symptoms. 

Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia with overlapping Myofascial Pain Disease.  Big words which mean – you hurt endlessly in every part of your body.  I went from being “super woman” who ran a tight ship at home, worked a full-time job and was able to still have energy to spare; to a young woman who could barely move most days in my new “lead suit”.  The heaviness of my body was overwhelming; the horrific four day long migraines which wouldn’t break without heavy duty steroids; would it be insomnia tonight or just the inability to go into a restful sleep; the excruciating first steps of the morning or the inability to grip on my toothbrush; and let’s not forget the fibro fog which left me feeling like I had suffered brain damage.  Simple words escaped me as I looked at familiar objects but could not tell you what they were.  Or better yet, the days when my brain was sharp and trapped inside of the prison of my non-functional body. And, let’s not leave out the random moments of over excited nerves that for no apparent reason are on fire.  You not only want to peel your clothes off you are in so much pain and if you could get out of your own skin you would. 

My life changed after the day of diagnosis.  Everyone says to lifestyle adjust but you have no idea what that means, especially if you are a type-A perfectionist.    I did however learn that the dishes could sit for a few days and no one will keel over from a few meals of only cereal.   Important to also note that I battled with thyroid disease as well which exacerbates fibro symptoms even further!  Three years ago my disease spiraled out of control after a physical attack by my husband.  No one rightly knows what to do with fibromyalgia and a critical case is even more out of a doctor’s comfort zone.  As it so happens, I was seated across from the doctor struggling to even take a breath as fatigue and tense muscles gripped my lungs.  He asked me to not return and wished me the best of luck as all I wanted at that moment was an oxygen tank and a measure of compassion.  The physical trauma led to the Myofascial Pain Disease taking the forefront as every muscle grouping went into knots that would not release.  Think of that time you pulled your hamstring.  Remember the knot and the pain with it?  Well, that is what MPS is like but all over your body. 

I became reclusive and sedentary.  If I wasn’t at work, I was on my couch wishing to die.  There are moments when the peacefulness of death is welcome over the constant agony we suffer.  The symptoms mount up against you like an impassable obstacle.  It is hard to find sympathy and support from even your family let alone friends or strangers.  No one knows what to say or even what you are talking about, I mean you “don’t look sick”.

Become more aware.  Be supportive.  Know this is not “all in our heads”.  Research is finding amazing links that will help uncover more of the mystery.  There is no medical cure and very little treatment that helps.  I no longer struggle with Fibromyalgia or MPS and look forward to my new lease on life!  Find someone to support and be kind to today!